Log

Our Stand-In Religious Affairs Editor, Garlic Johnson, has released the following Special Report while Asphalt Suarez is away maintaining his innocence: The holiest of festivals celebrating the gods of Consumption, Impulsivity, and Treat-Yo-Self begins tomorrow. Black Friday, that counterbalance to Good Friday, is a time granted to us by the high priests during which we have the privilege and the pleasure of inflation-busting deals. The faithful gather in expectation to celebrate Consumption's vital leadership of our economy. We are ready to follow the example of Impulsivity and Treat-Yo-Self in demonstrating our loyalty. Those of us who are tempted to save will do well to remember that large pots of money will be taxed and be donated at the altar of Fair Share.